Egg donation - My fertility journey

Tanja Romano Coaching: Kinderwunsch, Eizellspende & Spermaspende

The longest, but ultimately the most successful path of my life

Even as a child, I wanted to be a mom at 30. Unfortunately, it didn’t go beyond „wanting“. When my husband and I started planning to have children, I had a bit of respect at first. What if it happened right away, and we were standing there in 9 months with a baby in our arms? What would that be like? But nothing came of it. In the end, I was unintentionally childless for 12 years before I found myself with a baby in my arms. It was the longest and hardest journey I’ve ever been on. But it was also the most instructive and intense, and ultimately the most successful one I have ever taken. I remember that I was still very positive at the beginning, even though my period had started on time again. I kept hearing: you’re still young, you’ll be fine. After about a year, I contacted my gynecologist, who also explained to me in a friendly but firm manner: „Just be patient, sometimes it takes time“. Yes, I certainly still had time, but I had resolved to go through life with a child by my side. I had also turned my whole life upside down. Carrots and apples instead of wine and cigarettes, dietary supplements, mediation, googling until my head was spinning and all of this was possible in secret and alone. Why nobody was allowed to know back then, I don’t really know anymore. „People just don’t talk about it. Today, I am 100% of a different opinion: YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT.

This went on year after year and after 3-4 years I turned to my gynecologist again. In the meantime, my relationship with my husband at the time had suffered greatly. And yes, you read that right – my husband at the time! This up and down and back and forth took its toll on our relationship. At some point, he even found out that he didn’t actually want children as much as I did.

My gynecologist also continued stoically to defend her view that you still have enough time to have a baby at 35. As I write these lines, I realize how this still makes me angry today. Angry that I didn’t take my happiness into my own hands back then and take a different path. Fortunately, I had met a woman at the time who was coaching me to have children. Finally, someone listened to me and didn’t just leave me standing there, with the words: „It’ll work out!“. She took my worries and needs seriously, and together we looked for ways and solutions that helped me to see things more clearly again. During this time, I also separated from my husband. So at almost 36, I was back: divorced, childless, with now slowly aging eggs in my belly and frustrated and sad.

Luck was on my side for once, and I was able to meet my current husband, who also had an unfulfilled desire to have children. At the age of 38, I was back together with a man and had another chance to have a baby. I also changed my gynecologist because I certainly didn’t want to hear the same repetitive record again. And for the first time, something was done. My fallopian tube patency was checked, a cyst was removed, hormones were checked, chlamydia & thyroid tested, and I was spoken to, advised, and we were on the same page as our doctor. What was frustrating though was the fact that everything was fine with me, but it still wouldn’t work. We had been at it month after month, and I was starting to feel frustrated and sad again. New husband, new happiness, but no baby! But now it was my husband who was very confident and kept building me up. Another year went by and absolutely nothing happened. My period came as punctually as the Swiss Federal Railways. Together with my doctor, coach and husband, I then decided to try insemination first. Today, I can only shake my head. The first insemination after 9 years! Unfortunately, it didn’t work, and the second insemination wasn’t successful either. Now it was time to get down to business. As my gynecologist was Greek, we immediately decided on a clinic in Greece. We flew there and had a look at the clinic. It was a wonderful experience. We were taken seriously, we felt very well looked after, informed and accompanied. I no longer felt like an exotic person, and no one said even once: „it will be fine“. So we decided to have our first ICSI. And you can imagine how happy I was: the test was positive. It was the first time I had held a positive pregnancy test in my hand. I couldn’t believe my luck. Nothing could go wrong now. However, the second examination at the gynecologist indicated that the little fetus‘ heart was no longer beating. And the examination of the embryo revealed the fact: trisomy 18. The baby had no chance. I was devastated. How could this have happened? Who was out there against me? Why did everyone else around me get pregnant straight away, but not me? Today, with my job, I know that it’s not a matter of course that it just happens. But no woman who comes to me sees her situation as normal. Everyone finds it mean and nasty that it doesn’t work out for them, of all people.

Together with the Greek clinic, we then decided not to make another attempt without a PGT-A. In other words, an examination of the embryo. If I got pregnant again, it would be with a healthy embryo. We therefore planned another stay in Greece and I got pregnant again with the 2nd ICSI, and unfortunately, it didn’t work. So on to attempt number 3! It was a hit! I was pregnant and I stayed pregnant. I was able to see my belly grow for the first time, feel the little worm wriggling in my belly, and I almost couldn’t believe my luck.

If I give my customers one piece of advice today, it is not to give up as long as they can and have the strength to do so. It’s worth going the extra mile here. And none of the women who want to have children would not have THE baby in their arms at the end if they had not gone the extra mile. In this sense, dear couples who would like to have children: don’t give up. It’s worth it!

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